Tired

I haven't posted in a while.  The weekend before last I flew home.  I've been recovering from the trip and adjusting to being home again.  That's always a rough transition for me.  Jet lag, 3 dogs, 2 teenagers, a dirty house.  It's a lot to take in after being gone for 3 weeks.  I haven't even completely unpacked.

My blood sugar isn't any better so far.  I titrated up on the medication Saturday.  The only difference so far is increased gas and bloating.  My blood sugar still drops every day.  I have been trying to just correct it and go on with whatever plans we had for the day.  There have been things on the calendar for every day since I've returned.  Dropping my son off at soccer camp and picking him up.  Errands.  Family activities.  I have also been trying to get the house cleaned a bit.

I am worn out.  I am frustrated.  I can't keep up with conversations with my family because their brains go so much faster than mine, and they always dart from one subject to another.  Trying to keep them on one subject at a time is impossible, then I get frustrated with it, and they get frustrated with me.  I know that soon I will once again stop trying to keep up with it.  It is too hard.  And that makes me very sad.  Life seems to be swooshing by without me.  Soon my babies will be grown and out of the house.  I won't know who they are because I am too sick.  I don't want to hold them back, but I don't want them to leave me behind either.  My daughter really tries to spend time with me.  My son is just at an age that he is so irritated with me that he doesn't want to take the time to try to talk to me.  I really hope that at some point we can reconnect.

I go to my regular doctor today.  I will talk with her about my increased pain level due to arthritis, and I will also request a referral to go to a therapist.  I need help getting out of this dark place I am in.  There is less and less light with each passing day.   I don't know how to get out of it on my own.  I wrote it down on my list of things to ask her, and I am writing it here. That way I won't be able to back out of asking.  I hope.