Anticipation

Tomorrow is the day.  It is the day that I've been preparing for.  I am hopeful.  I am terrified.  So many questions, and at the same time, only one that really matters.  Is there hope for a cure?

Will I be able to go back to being a fully functioning person again?  Will I be able to leave the house without my emergency bag?  Will I be able to do things like play board games with my kids without my blood sugar dropping?  Be able to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts?  Take my dogs for a walk?  Go from my little couch to the bathroom and back without being fearful?  Will I be able to read again?  I really miss reading, and walking, and laughing hard.

It all boils down to the one question that really matters.  Is there hope for a cure?

Tomorrow is the day.  The day that a doctor might be able to start answering that question.  I am hopeful.  I am terrified.

Phase 3

I am sitting here in my hotel room in Arizona recovering from my cross-country flights and pondering what I should say about phase 3 of my journey.  I started out taking medical leave more than a year ago.  That's the process.  After being out for something like a month, I was able to go on short-term disability.  I requested a referral to the Joslin Diabetes Center in Winston-Salem, NC.  I had already exhausted my resources in my surrounding area.  Hy husband and I had been doing a lot of research about what might help with my health problems.  Only 2 place in the country had done actual studies on how to help people with hypoglycemia to this extreme that occurred after gastric bypass.  Joslin was one of those places.  The center in Winston-Salem was not the center that had actually done the study, but they would have connections with the center that had.  Last summer I started seeing a doctor there.  She had me meet with a nutritionist in the weight-loss center at Wake Forrest Baptist Health (Joslin is connected with them).  We tried more dietary changes, more medications.  One medication was helping my hypoglycemia but gave me severe side effects.  She put me on the 2 separate times, but I could not handle it.  While she was on maternity leave, another doctor had me do a test there to determine if I met the qualifications for the Whipple's Triad.  I didn't eat all day.  I was in their office walking laps.  Nothing.  My blood sugar didn't drop even a little.  I did not meet the qualifications.  Since I didn't eat, my pancreas didn't get the jump start.  That doctor wouldn't do anything else for me.  I had to wait for the other doctor to get back from maternity leave.  She did some research and consulted with other doctors, then had me go in for a mixed foods test.  I went in with a cream-filled donut and a chocolate chip muffin from Dunkin Donuts.  I ate a bit of each.  I walked a bit.  Then BINGO!  I dropped to 41.  That put me in the running for some more elaborate medication.  This time I had to give myself an injection 2 or 3 times a day.  After just a couple of doses my blood sugar was dropping into the 40s and 50s all day.  I was eating and eating, and it just wouldn't get high enough or stay higher.  I went to the ER that evening because I was so scared of what would happen when I went to sleep.  They kept me there all night to make sure I was stable.  I stayed in the 80s the entire time.  The doctor at Joslin told me not to take any more, and that there was nothing else she could do for me. Yet another doctor stumped.  She then referred me to the Mayo Clinic.  I chose the Arizona site so I would be closer to my parents and sister.  

My blood sugar never did fully recover from that last medication.  My fasting blood sugar is in the low 80s instead of in the 90s like it had been up until then.  I drop at random times even if I am just sitting on the couch.  Any amount of physical activity make it drop.  It is the worst it has ever been.

We had thought it would take a couple of months before I got in to the Mayo Clinic.  NOT!  I got the call 2 weeks ago.  I told them I would need at least 2 weeks to get everything that they needed and to make travel arrangements.   Those 2 weeks I worked so hard to get all of my medical recorders ready for them as well as everything else that goes along with a trip like this.  Yesterday afternoon I boarded the plane.  That brings everyone up to Stage 4.  The Mayo Clinic.  I will be posting updates as I see doctors and have tests done.  Stay tuned for more about my journey!

Phase 2

Phase 2 takes me into getting treatment for my hypoglycemia and taking care of the iron deficiency issue.  During the summer following my gastric bypass, I had 2 sets of iron infusions.  I also went to a few doctors about my blood sugar.  One of the endocrinologists decided to try Victoza ( I had already tried a few different medications).  The Victoza was able to get my blood sugar stable enough to return to teaching, but I still could not be very active without my blood sugar dropping.  I returned to work in August.  My iron was still not staying high enough, so I went to my gynecologist about how heavy, long, and painful my periods were.  They found out I had polyps, so they did  D and C.   that didn't help the problem, so that fall I had a complete hysterectomy.  Just before that, my regular doctor tried me on a new med to help with pain.  I was exhausted from the constant roller coaster, it felt like I was spiraling out of control.  I had extra responsibilities at school along with a new administrator.  I ended up walking out and telling my administrator that I was leaving and didn't know when I would be able to return.  It was about 2 weeks before I would be out for my hysterectomy, but I felt hopeless.  I went to a few counseling sessions and met with someone about my depression and intense anxiety.  That is when I found out the the new medicine was not compatible with one of the meds I was already on.  I stopped taking it, and life didn't seem so impossible anymore.  I did, however, get an official reprimand from the administrator at school.  I understand why, but at the same time I felt that the administrator was not willing to look past my behavior during the brief window of time there to see the person I truly am.  Things that I said and did while on that medication and broken down due to illness turned people that I considered friends at school into people who still do not speak to me.  It still hurts.  I try not to think about it much, but it still rears it's ugly head at times.  

The hysterectomy was successful at curing my iron deficiency.  Hooray!  Something positive!  I returned to school in December.  Just in time for the winter program (I teach music).  I was still out of whack between my blood sugar and hormones.  I handled more things poorly, I lost more friends.  Winter Break came and went, I went back into the classroom.  Then my endocrinologist decided to add Metformin into the mix to see if that would allow me to be able to be physically active again.  Immediately, my blood sugar started dropping all the time.  She tweaked my dosage and how I was taking it, but nothing helped.  She took me off of it, but it was too late.  The damage was already done.  My blood sugar hasn't been stable since then.  I had to go on short-term disability.  There was nothing else she could do for me.  I had stumped yet another doctor.  I haven't been back to work since then.  That leads to Phase 3....   

Still on the Journey....

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything on this blog.  I will now do my best to catch you up on the happenings of my journey toward being healthy.  The wonderful things that have happened since my gastric bypass, and the debilitating horrible illness that has taken over my life.  It is hard to believe that I have been living this way for such a long time, but as you will see, I have done everything I can to adjust and overcome.

My gastric bypass went well.  I had a huge problem with pain after the surgery.  Once I got home I did better.  I shed weight faster than anyone expected.   I followed all of the rules.  A couple of month after the surgery I had to have the esophageal opening stretched because it was so small I couldn't eat.  I spent a lot of time vomiting.  I only had to have it stretched once, and that did the trick.  In late winter/early spring I started walking a lot.  My husband and daughter joined me in walking the Glow Run 5K.  It was a wonderful milestone for me.  I started training to get faster, and I was finding more 5Ks to walk in.  That April, however, I started feeling really bad and shaky about 15 minutes into my walking.  I started checking my blood sugar, and it was low at these times.  I contacted the surgeon's office, and they told me I would have to go through my family physician.  I consulted her and my nutritionist.  No matter what I tried, my blood sugar continued to drop.  By the end of May it was dropping for no apparent reason.  I had to take sick leave for the rest of the school year.  Then I found out I was also chronically low on iron.   I had to start iron infusions.  I had 2 sets of iron infusions.  That started another phase of my health journey.

By the one year mark I had lost over 100 pounds, and I was thinner than I had been my entire adult life.  I will continue with phase two in my next post....

This is it!

This is it!  I will be leaving soon to go to the hospital for my surgery.  I have to say that I don't care for the feeling of my armpits and my flab all sticking together because of the lack of being able to use deodorant, lotion, and powder.  Further more, I REALLY don't like not being able to drink some water and take my medicine, and I am truly hoping my blood sugar doesn't get out of whack because I can't eat anything.  I late surgery time pretty much stinks.

With that out of my system, I am so glad that it is finally going to happen.  I am excited about what it will be like in a couple of months... and a bit anxious about what it will be like for the next week.  My hubby is a bit of a basket case because he is worried about my healing process (not to mention the surgery itself).  I really appreciate all of the prayers that have been said for us.  I know that God has a hand in all of this.

I probably won't be posting for a while, but I know I will have a ton to say once I have my wits about me!

Day 150 something!

Ha!  I just counted out the days, and before I could write it down my son came in and talked to me.  So, yes, it is day 150 something!

I know I haven't posted in quite a while.  I spent the summer doing some terrific things that rejuvenated me in so many different ways!  I am here today to fill you in on my journey before I actually have my surgery in a few days!

I found out that I do, indeed, have sleep apnea.  I have made the adjustment to using a CPAP at night (even though the mask still gets on my nerves at times!).  I can't believe how much better I sleep now!  I used to get up so many times during the night just to go to the bathroom, and now I sleep all the way through without getting up even once.  What a difference!  I am no longer exhausted when I wake up.  YAY!

All of the other tests came out great.  I do have to say that it having the patience to wait for a surgery date was pretty aggravating.  I wanted so much to have everything done before the new school year started so I wouldn't miss any time with my students.  As it is, I spent a week with them, and now I will be off for a month to have my surgery and recover.  I have an amazing sub, and I know everything is working out just how God has intended.

Over the summer I also got a new tattoo.  It is on my left shoulder.  It is a lotus with a butterfly on it. It signifies the changes I am going through.  My priorities have been changing.  My eating habits are changing.  And now, finally, I feel like my body will be catching up to those changes.  I realize it will be difficult, but it will be so worth it.

Am I nervous?  A little.  I mean - they WILL be cutting my insides apart.  My excitement outweighs my nervousness, though.  I wonder if I will still feel the same a day, a week, or even a year from now.  Only time will tell!

Day 48

Well, here it is, Day 48.  Last week I got my cardiac clearance, met with the nutritionist, and had my endoscopy.  This afternoon I got a call from the pulmonary office to schedule that appointment, and I called the psych office to see if they had forgotten about me.  Apparently they had left a message way back on May 8th, but I have been checking messages daily and it was never on the machine.  I was able to schedule both of the psych appointments, and as of right now, all of my clearances will be done by June 11th.

Since I am trying to get everything done before my insurance rolls over at the end of June, I called the doctor's office to see if I could schedule the next step since I knew when my appointments would be done.  The lady said that it is against their policy to schedule the appointment until they have received all of the clearances.  Then she said it would be impossible to get my surgery before the end of June.  I was a bit upset with her because I have been telling everyone there from day 1 that I needed to get it all done by then, and no one told me that this would be an impossible task.  I have taken days off of work to get my clearances done (days without pay for that matter), and I would have opted to just wait until summer when I had lots of free time to do everything.  My bubble was completely popped.  I automatically went into shut down mode, and decided that I could not get it done because we could not afford it.

Now that I have had some time to think about it, I know that this has happened for a reason.  God has it all figured out, and it will be done in His timing, not mine.  I will keep the rest of my appointments (even though I will have to take more time off work).  We will find a way for this to happen unless God completely closes the door.  I would be disappointed, but I would move on.

So, for now I still don't know when my surgery will take place, but I am still moving in the right direction.