Tired

I haven't posted in a while.  The weekend before last I flew home.  I've been recovering from the trip and adjusting to being home again.  That's always a rough transition for me.  Jet lag, 3 dogs, 2 teenagers, a dirty house.  It's a lot to take in after being gone for 3 weeks.  I haven't even completely unpacked.

My blood sugar isn't any better so far.  I titrated up on the medication Saturday.  The only difference so far is increased gas and bloating.  My blood sugar still drops every day.  I have been trying to just correct it and go on with whatever plans we had for the day.  There have been things on the calendar for every day since I've returned.  Dropping my son off at soccer camp and picking him up.  Errands.  Family activities.  I have also been trying to get the house cleaned a bit.

I am worn out.  I am frustrated.  I can't keep up with conversations with my family because their brains go so much faster than mine, and they always dart from one subject to another.  Trying to keep them on one subject at a time is impossible, then I get frustrated with it, and they get frustrated with me.  I know that soon I will once again stop trying to keep up with it.  It is too hard.  And that makes me very sad.  Life seems to be swooshing by without me.  Soon my babies will be grown and out of the house.  I won't know who they are because I am too sick.  I don't want to hold them back, but I don't want them to leave me behind either.  My daughter really tries to spend time with me.  My son is just at an age that he is so irritated with me that he doesn't want to take the time to try to talk to me.  I really hope that at some point we can reconnect.

I go to my regular doctor today.  I will talk with her about my increased pain level due to arthritis, and I will also request a referral to go to a therapist.  I need help getting out of this dark place I am in.  There is less and less light with each passing day.   I don't know how to get out of it on my own.  I wrote it down on my list of things to ask her, and I am writing it here. That way I won't be able to back out of asking.  I hope.

Funk

As I sit here reflecting on the past few days I find it difficult to know what to say.  Some wonderful things have happened.  My long-term disability has already been processed, and my first check is at home waiting for me to return from CA.  A dear friend who was diagnosed with cancer found out that it is in the stage just before cancer.  I went to visit with my Uncle, Aunt, their granddaughter and great-grandbaby (and their dog, too!).   Met a friend for lunch.  I went to the movies to see Spy with my mom and a friend.  All of these have been blessings to me!

I've been walking most mornings (I skipped one earlier in the week and today because my lower back an hips were too locked up from arthritis).  I am up to 2 laps around the court my parents live on.  It isn't far, but it is building my strength up little by little.  I am taking the medicine right before each main meal, as instructed, and eating the carb to protein ratio as closely as I can.  This is day #6.  I haven't seen any improvement in my blood sugar.  The medicine is making my little pouch upset at times, and I have a lot of uncomfortable gas from it.  I have 2 more weeks before I can go up on the dosage.  I am praying that I will see some improvement - no matter how small - at that point.  It is difficult to stay positive.  I'm trying hard to not be swallowed up by this funk that is looming around me.

I miss my family.  They are enjoying the freedom that comes along with mom being away and school being out for the summer.  Video games in the living room, football with a loaf of bread in the kitchen, being loud and watching things on TV that mom thinks are stupid.  I miss the occasional hug, the silly looks, the joy of seeing my son and daughter being such good friends and enjoy the same things, my furbabies coming to get rubbed and cuddles.  It is impossible to name everything.  It will be good to be back home in a little over a week.  And then I will miss my parents and friends here.  

Carbs Galore!

Carbs, carbs, and more carbs!  I haven’t tried eating this many carbs in over 3 years.  And less protein.  It’s been drilled into me since well before my surgery that I should eat very few carbs (one doctor even told me to cut out ALL carbs because that was causing my blood sugar issues) and as much protein as possible.  85 - 100 grams a day!  Now I should eat no more than 75 grams of protein and about 135 grams of carbs a day.  The whole time I am eating now the little voice in my head is crying NOOOOOOOOOOOO....

Yesterday I traveled from AZ to CA to stay with my parents for a week or 2.  My sister was very ready to be home!  I slept for about 10 hours last night.  I got up and went for a short walk.  Only about 5 minutes, but it’s a start.  I ate most of my breakfast.  2 hours later I checked my blood sugar and it was 102!  Hooray!!!  That hasn’t happened in a very long time.  It made me feel good.  Praise God!  I had my mid-morning snack, then took a shower.  I rested for a little while and then I was ready to go to the pharmacy to get the medicine the doctor at Mayo had subscribed.  I checked my blood sugar just to be sure I could drive.  80.  Nope - didn’t have warm-fuzzies about driving.  My mom drove me to CVS.  I checked my blood sugar again when we were almost there.  71.  I’m not supposed to correct it until below 70 now, but I didn’t feel comfortable going into the store when it was obviously dropping.  I went ahead and ate my 2 PNB crackers and a small piece of beef jerky.  Boy oh boy, I didn’t feel good.  We finished there and went to the grocery store for some items that I needed for being on the new and improved diet.  More walking.  I’m pretty sure that a snail could have gotten around the store faster than me.  I was so glad to get back to the house.  I gathered everything I needed so I could stay in one spot for a while.  I took my new med, then I had a sandwich with 2 WHOLE PIECES of 12 grain bread.  TWO PIECES!!! Yum!  It took a couple of hours before my body recovered from the low, but I’m feeling good again.  My afternoon snack was surprisingly good.  I had a 100 calories strawberry cheesecake greek yogurt with some grape-nut flakes.  AWESOME snack!  I also took some time to set alarms in my phone to remind me of when to eat.  I need to start being on more of a schedule.  I had a schedule before, but I got to where I had to eat so often in between meals and snacks because of my blood sugar - I was just really thrown off.  

One of my goals for this week is to search for online support groups for people with reactive hypoglycemia (the official medical term is postprandial hypoglycemia) - it is the kind you get following gastric-bypass.  If I can’t find any, then I will start by creating a group on facebook.  I might be the only one in it, but like they said in “Field of Dreams” - if you build it, they will come!

This Phase is Coming to an End...

Yesterday was a very difficult day.  I chose not to blog because I was in a very dark and emotional place.  I had been fasting since dinner the night before.  I got up and got to the doctor's office just fine.  I was very anxious about the test. When they took me back, there were 3 nurses.  The one that put the IV thingy in my arm was from a different part of the clinic and was being cross-trained.  She didn't get it in very good.  every time they had to take blood, they had to wiggle the little tub thingy around, move where my arm was, etc.  It wasn't pleasant.  They took blood many many times while I was there.  2 times before the food, then 2 tubs every 30 minutes for 300 minutes.  A different nurse finally had to put another IV thingy in the other arm because they just couldn't get any more out of the first one.  Fun fun fun!

My mixed meal test was interesting.  I had 10 minutes to eat one cup of oatmeal, one cup of unsweetened applesauce, and one cup of whole milk.  I added about half the milk to the oatmeal because I really don't like milk.  I tried drinking some of it and it just wasn't a pretty sight.  I actually finished most of the applesauce, most of the plain oatmeal, and maybe a third of the milk.  Within the next 45 minutes I was feeling pretty bad - headache, couldn't focus my vision, dizzy.  I had them do a finger prick.  It was 137, so I was having those symptoms because it was going up.  OK.  After a while I was feeling pretty decent.  Then I started feeling sleepy, light-headed, heavy.  I had them do a finger prick again --- 74.  This was a couple hours into this.  I was so frustrated.  Why wasn't it getting lower?  Why was my body not showing what happens to me on a day to day basis. My sister went back to the hotel to get some work done.  Another finger-prick --- 72.  Feeling tired, frustrated, lost.  All of this money and time spent to come across the country for an answer, and the doctor would look at this test and tell me I'm just not eating right.  Devastation.  Guilt.  Fear that no one would believe me and they would think it is all in my mind.  Why oh why was this happening?  I got to the end, they did a final finger prick --- 70.  Even though I was feeling low, I was not officially low.  I would have had to drop into the 60s for it to be official.

I went back to the hotel, ate something, and went to sleep for a while.  I woke up and I had dropped to 67.  Stupid stupid stupid body.  I went to the lobby with my phone.  I ate cheesecake and drank a latte.  I cried.  I downloaded apps to use the messenger.  I could call my family at home because I wouldn't be able to talk because of crying.  I sent my kids, my parents, and some very good friends messages using one of the great new apps I downloaded so they knew that I loved them -- even in the darkness that surrounded me.  One of the ladies I had chatted with the morning before stopped to make sure I was ok.  God was looking out for me.  I got some dinner.  Went back to the room and ate.  I started feeling better.  More like myself.  I wrote out some things to talk to the doctor about.  I got input from my hubby, my mom, and my sister.  I put it all aside and started crocheting a granny square for my son's blanket.  My sister and I talked and laughed.  I didn't sleep well, but that was ok.

I got up this morning and once again tried to eat ALL of the carbs and protein the nutritionist suggested.  Nope.  Didn't happen.  I re-wrote my questions for the doctor in a notebook and left room for what she wanted me to do.  I felt good about the going to the appointment, but I was still very anxious.  It was time to go.  With notebook in hand, I was prepared.  She came into the room, and she was very pleased with my test results.  I let her know that my body doesn't always react the same way to the same food, and that I have days that I stay in the low 70s/high 60s no matter what I eat.  Stress and activity plays a big roll in my blood sugar dropping.  I told her I can't eat as much food as the nutritionist recommended.  So here is the plan:

* I will start on Acarbose (a prescription med that I tried twice before).  In 3 weeks I will titrate up to a higher dose.  Then again in another 3 weeks.  And so on until I either reach a dose that helps me or I get to the highest dose and it just doesn't help.
* I will contact the nutritionist I saw here via the portal for suggestions since I cannot fit that much food in my little pouch.
* I will start walking in the mornings before I eat since my blood sugar doesn't drop prior to eating.
* I will start correcting when I get below 70 instead of 75 so my body will get used to feeling that low and knowing it's ok.
* I will go back to the endo in NC for her to monitor my progress.  If, after all of this, my blood sugar continues to drop, the doc in NC will contact the doc at Mayo to revisit the surgery option or get advice on other possibilities.

It wasn't exactly what I was hoping.  I feel good about having the plan in place, though.  Ultimately, it would be great not to have to have another surgery, especially since it is so risky.  I guess the part that I don't like it that it could be another 6 months of monkeying around.  Or longer.  Then again, we might find the magic combo of that med and carb intake.

My sister and I leave tomorrow morning to go to CA.  I will be staying with my parents for a little while before returning home.  On to the next phase of my journey....

It's a New Day

Today is a new day.  A new day with endless possibilities.  I woke up with a better outlook.  The things of yesterday are in the past, and moving forward is always better than looking back.  Always.

I didn't have any appointments today, so I've done a lot of resting.  This morning I went out to the lobby for breakfast, then sat on one of their couches crocheting.  It was lovely to sit there listening to the music they had playing and talking with people as they stopped to see what I was creating.  One of the ladies working in the restaurant area came over, I gave her my card so she could see more of my work, and now she calls me Cin.  One lady stopped to chat, and she said that she didn't bring any of her craft supplies with her.  I offered her some yarn and a hook.  She said that she isn't able to work on things right now because of her illness and that she wouldn't feel complete until she was well enough to start again.  I completely understand!  She promised to chat more with me sometime.  I look forward to that.  Yesterday we met a lady who has been coming to the Mayo Clinic for 17 years and another lady who was being tested to be able to donate a kidney to her brother.  There are some amazing stories here.

The people who work at the hotel, the clinic, and the hospital are great!  They all go out of the way to help in any way they can.  I was supposed to get plain oatmeal (not instant), whole milk, and unsweetened apple sauce for my mixed meal test in the morning.  The people in the cafeteria at the hospital gave me the oatmeal, and we got the other items there as well.  The directions for preparing it were really not clear, so I messaged the endocrinologist.  She sent it to someone in the lab and let me know that they would contact me.  They told me that they would provide everything for me!  We almost spent $40 on a rental car just to get the oatmeal and applesauce!  I am so blessed to be here with people who are so caring.

I've had a rough blood sugar day.  It has been hanging out in the 70s which is an acceptable level, but it makes me feel so drained and my body feels too heavy to move.  It has dropped below that a couple of times, too.  I've corrected it 3 times today.  I am thinking that trying to add more carbs like the nutritionist said was the norm for patients like me to manage their hypoglycemia just won't work for me.  I'll keep trying, though.  I've had a sore throat all day as well.  Don't know if it is allergies, the dryness around here, or a cold starting.  I've been taking benadryl, but it doesn't seem to help.

Tomorrow morning is my mixed meal test, as I said earlier.  I have to eat the oatmeal and applesauce in a 10 minute time period and have blood tests every 30 minutes for at least 3 hours.  I've done this test 2 other times.  I know how it makes me feel, and I'm not looking forward to it.  I understand why it needs to be done, and I know it is only a few hours.  I just need to focus on that.  The test is for a reason.  It is worth it.  It is ONLY a few hours.  I can get through anything if I know it is only a little bit of time and it will pass.  It WILL be ok.  I can get through it.  God is with me.  I CAN get through it.

Broken

The nutritionist.  She said that I should be eating more carbs.  So today I went out to the little restaurant ready to eat my carbs!  I ordered a breakfast sandwich on a croissant.  That would give me the carbs she suggested.  YUM!  I could only eat about 1/3 of it.  So I went back to the room.  I upped the carbs at snack time a bit.  Lunch!  I split a turkey blt with my sister.  Only about half the carbs the nutritionist suggested, and I couldn't quite eat all of that.  In the past I have not been successful with managing my blood sugar no matter what carb to protein ratio I use.  In the last 2 years I've tried so many different formulas!  I will keep trying.

After lunch, we took the shuttle over to the clinic, then got on the other shuttle to go to the hospital in Phoenix for my appointment with the surgeon.  My blood sugar started dropping, so I was trying to fill out forms (which I have filled out several times now) and eat peanut butter crackers at the same time.  I got called back and an assistant came in and had me explain the problem instead of just going from what my records said.  That's great!  But with my blood sugar being funky I couldn't form the words and make them come out of my mouth the right way.  My sister was with me, and thankfully she jumped in to rescue me.  With all of that done, the lady left the room and came back with the doctor.  I was so hopeful that he would say let's do the surgery and fix this!  Nope.  He said he has only had one patient ever need to have a reversal of the gastric bypass due to hypoglycemia.  ONE???  That's how rare this is.  He wants to see what the results of the mixed foods test are and what the endocrinologist has to recommend on Friday.  My 3rd mixed foods test.  Oatmeal and applesauce this time.  He also said that usually the hormones that are sending the wrong signals usually correct themselves 2 to 3 years after the gastric bypass.  In September it will be my 3 year mark.  I'm not getting warm fuzzies about any of this.  The surgery is more invasive than the gastric bypass and pretty complicated.  If I have it, they wouldn't be able to do it until the end of July.  There is no guarantee that it will correct my problem.  Lots to think about.

I am frustrated.  I am drained.  I am tired.  I am broken.

Mayo Clinic

My first appointment at the Mayo Clinic was this morning.  I don't know what I expected going in, really.  Ideally, it would have been nice for the sky to open up for an angel to come down and reveal the answer to all of my health problems.  In reality, we talked for a bit while the doctor worked on getting a full understanding of what is going on, what has already been tried, and where I stand at this point.  My sister was with me to make sure that I didn't miss something.  I was definitely not expecting to have to go through the same testing I have already done a few times.  I guess I should have seen it coming, but I thought that is why I got all of my medical records to her.  So I have a few more appointments scheduled.  I got some general lab work done this morning.  I go to a nutritionist this afternoon.  During this week I will see a surgeon to see what his take is on my problem, and I also go in for yet another mixed food test.  This time I get to (more like HAVE to) have 1 cup of oatmeal (not instant), 1 cup of milk (to be used to make the oatmeal), and 1 cup of unsweetened applesauce.  I go back to the endocrinologist Friday morning for her final assessment  She hasn't seen a case as extreme as mine, but she has seen patients experience low blood sugar after gastric bypass.  She said that most of the time it can be controlled with diet.  We shall see what happens next!

For now I am sitting at the hotel crocheting and watching TV.   The hotel is nice, and the food in their restaurant good.  The fridge is tiny.  We brought our swim suits, but it's so hot we may not go out there!  All there is to see are hills and cactus, but it is pretty.  If I can remember, I will post some pics.
Thank you all for your continued prayers!

Anticipation

Tomorrow is the day.  It is the day that I've been preparing for.  I am hopeful.  I am terrified.  So many questions, and at the same time, only one that really matters.  Is there hope for a cure?

Will I be able to go back to being a fully functioning person again?  Will I be able to leave the house without my emergency bag?  Will I be able to do things like play board games with my kids without my blood sugar dropping?  Be able to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts?  Take my dogs for a walk?  Go from my little couch to the bathroom and back without being fearful?  Will I be able to read again?  I really miss reading, and walking, and laughing hard.

It all boils down to the one question that really matters.  Is there hope for a cure?

Tomorrow is the day.  The day that a doctor might be able to start answering that question.  I am hopeful.  I am terrified.

Phase 3

I am sitting here in my hotel room in Arizona recovering from my cross-country flights and pondering what I should say about phase 3 of my journey.  I started out taking medical leave more than a year ago.  That's the process.  After being out for something like a month, I was able to go on short-term disability.  I requested a referral to the Joslin Diabetes Center in Winston-Salem, NC.  I had already exhausted my resources in my surrounding area.  Hy husband and I had been doing a lot of research about what might help with my health problems.  Only 2 place in the country had done actual studies on how to help people with hypoglycemia to this extreme that occurred after gastric bypass.  Joslin was one of those places.  The center in Winston-Salem was not the center that had actually done the study, but they would have connections with the center that had.  Last summer I started seeing a doctor there.  She had me meet with a nutritionist in the weight-loss center at Wake Forrest Baptist Health (Joslin is connected with them).  We tried more dietary changes, more medications.  One medication was helping my hypoglycemia but gave me severe side effects.  She put me on the 2 separate times, but I could not handle it.  While she was on maternity leave, another doctor had me do a test there to determine if I met the qualifications for the Whipple's Triad.  I didn't eat all day.  I was in their office walking laps.  Nothing.  My blood sugar didn't drop even a little.  I did not meet the qualifications.  Since I didn't eat, my pancreas didn't get the jump start.  That doctor wouldn't do anything else for me.  I had to wait for the other doctor to get back from maternity leave.  She did some research and consulted with other doctors, then had me go in for a mixed foods test.  I went in with a cream-filled donut and a chocolate chip muffin from Dunkin Donuts.  I ate a bit of each.  I walked a bit.  Then BINGO!  I dropped to 41.  That put me in the running for some more elaborate medication.  This time I had to give myself an injection 2 or 3 times a day.  After just a couple of doses my blood sugar was dropping into the 40s and 50s all day.  I was eating and eating, and it just wouldn't get high enough or stay higher.  I went to the ER that evening because I was so scared of what would happen when I went to sleep.  They kept me there all night to make sure I was stable.  I stayed in the 80s the entire time.  The doctor at Joslin told me not to take any more, and that there was nothing else she could do for me. Yet another doctor stumped.  She then referred me to the Mayo Clinic.  I chose the Arizona site so I would be closer to my parents and sister.  

My blood sugar never did fully recover from that last medication.  My fasting blood sugar is in the low 80s instead of in the 90s like it had been up until then.  I drop at random times even if I am just sitting on the couch.  Any amount of physical activity make it drop.  It is the worst it has ever been.

We had thought it would take a couple of months before I got in to the Mayo Clinic.  NOT!  I got the call 2 weeks ago.  I told them I would need at least 2 weeks to get everything that they needed and to make travel arrangements.   Those 2 weeks I worked so hard to get all of my medical recorders ready for them as well as everything else that goes along with a trip like this.  Yesterday afternoon I boarded the plane.  That brings everyone up to Stage 4.  The Mayo Clinic.  I will be posting updates as I see doctors and have tests done.  Stay tuned for more about my journey!

Phase 2

Phase 2 takes me into getting treatment for my hypoglycemia and taking care of the iron deficiency issue.  During the summer following my gastric bypass, I had 2 sets of iron infusions.  I also went to a few doctors about my blood sugar.  One of the endocrinologists decided to try Victoza ( I had already tried a few different medications).  The Victoza was able to get my blood sugar stable enough to return to teaching, but I still could not be very active without my blood sugar dropping.  I returned to work in August.  My iron was still not staying high enough, so I went to my gynecologist about how heavy, long, and painful my periods were.  They found out I had polyps, so they did  D and C.   that didn't help the problem, so that fall I had a complete hysterectomy.  Just before that, my regular doctor tried me on a new med to help with pain.  I was exhausted from the constant roller coaster, it felt like I was spiraling out of control.  I had extra responsibilities at school along with a new administrator.  I ended up walking out and telling my administrator that I was leaving and didn't know when I would be able to return.  It was about 2 weeks before I would be out for my hysterectomy, but I felt hopeless.  I went to a few counseling sessions and met with someone about my depression and intense anxiety.  That is when I found out the the new medicine was not compatible with one of the meds I was already on.  I stopped taking it, and life didn't seem so impossible anymore.  I did, however, get an official reprimand from the administrator at school.  I understand why, but at the same time I felt that the administrator was not willing to look past my behavior during the brief window of time there to see the person I truly am.  Things that I said and did while on that medication and broken down due to illness turned people that I considered friends at school into people who still do not speak to me.  It still hurts.  I try not to think about it much, but it still rears it's ugly head at times.  

The hysterectomy was successful at curing my iron deficiency.  Hooray!  Something positive!  I returned to school in December.  Just in time for the winter program (I teach music).  I was still out of whack between my blood sugar and hormones.  I handled more things poorly, I lost more friends.  Winter Break came and went, I went back into the classroom.  Then my endocrinologist decided to add Metformin into the mix to see if that would allow me to be able to be physically active again.  Immediately, my blood sugar started dropping all the time.  She tweaked my dosage and how I was taking it, but nothing helped.  She took me off of it, but it was too late.  The damage was already done.  My blood sugar hasn't been stable since then.  I had to go on short-term disability.  There was nothing else she could do for me.  I had stumped yet another doctor.  I haven't been back to work since then.  That leads to Phase 3....   

Still on the Journey....

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything on this blog.  I will now do my best to catch you up on the happenings of my journey toward being healthy.  The wonderful things that have happened since my gastric bypass, and the debilitating horrible illness that has taken over my life.  It is hard to believe that I have been living this way for such a long time, but as you will see, I have done everything I can to adjust and overcome.

My gastric bypass went well.  I had a huge problem with pain after the surgery.  Once I got home I did better.  I shed weight faster than anyone expected.   I followed all of the rules.  A couple of month after the surgery I had to have the esophageal opening stretched because it was so small I couldn't eat.  I spent a lot of time vomiting.  I only had to have it stretched once, and that did the trick.  In late winter/early spring I started walking a lot.  My husband and daughter joined me in walking the Glow Run 5K.  It was a wonderful milestone for me.  I started training to get faster, and I was finding more 5Ks to walk in.  That April, however, I started feeling really bad and shaky about 15 minutes into my walking.  I started checking my blood sugar, and it was low at these times.  I contacted the surgeon's office, and they told me I would have to go through my family physician.  I consulted her and my nutritionist.  No matter what I tried, my blood sugar continued to drop.  By the end of May it was dropping for no apparent reason.  I had to take sick leave for the rest of the school year.  Then I found out I was also chronically low on iron.   I had to start iron infusions.  I had 2 sets of iron infusions.  That started another phase of my health journey.

By the one year mark I had lost over 100 pounds, and I was thinner than I had been my entire adult life.  I will continue with phase two in my next post....

This is it!

This is it!  I will be leaving soon to go to the hospital for my surgery.  I have to say that I don't care for the feeling of my armpits and my flab all sticking together because of the lack of being able to use deodorant, lotion, and powder.  Further more, I REALLY don't like not being able to drink some water and take my medicine, and I am truly hoping my blood sugar doesn't get out of whack because I can't eat anything.  I late surgery time pretty much stinks.

With that out of my system, I am so glad that it is finally going to happen.  I am excited about what it will be like in a couple of months... and a bit anxious about what it will be like for the next week.  My hubby is a bit of a basket case because he is worried about my healing process (not to mention the surgery itself).  I really appreciate all of the prayers that have been said for us.  I know that God has a hand in all of this.

I probably won't be posting for a while, but I know I will have a ton to say once I have my wits about me!

Day 150 something!

Ha!  I just counted out the days, and before I could write it down my son came in and talked to me.  So, yes, it is day 150 something!

I know I haven't posted in quite a while.  I spent the summer doing some terrific things that rejuvenated me in so many different ways!  I am here today to fill you in on my journey before I actually have my surgery in a few days!

I found out that I do, indeed, have sleep apnea.  I have made the adjustment to using a CPAP at night (even though the mask still gets on my nerves at times!).  I can't believe how much better I sleep now!  I used to get up so many times during the night just to go to the bathroom, and now I sleep all the way through without getting up even once.  What a difference!  I am no longer exhausted when I wake up.  YAY!

All of the other tests came out great.  I do have to say that it having the patience to wait for a surgery date was pretty aggravating.  I wanted so much to have everything done before the new school year started so I wouldn't miss any time with my students.  As it is, I spent a week with them, and now I will be off for a month to have my surgery and recover.  I have an amazing sub, and I know everything is working out just how God has intended.

Over the summer I also got a new tattoo.  It is on my left shoulder.  It is a lotus with a butterfly on it. It signifies the changes I am going through.  My priorities have been changing.  My eating habits are changing.  And now, finally, I feel like my body will be catching up to those changes.  I realize it will be difficult, but it will be so worth it.

Am I nervous?  A little.  I mean - they WILL be cutting my insides apart.  My excitement outweighs my nervousness, though.  I wonder if I will still feel the same a day, a week, or even a year from now.  Only time will tell!

Day 48

Well, here it is, Day 48.  Last week I got my cardiac clearance, met with the nutritionist, and had my endoscopy.  This afternoon I got a call from the pulmonary office to schedule that appointment, and I called the psych office to see if they had forgotten about me.  Apparently they had left a message way back on May 8th, but I have been checking messages daily and it was never on the machine.  I was able to schedule both of the psych appointments, and as of right now, all of my clearances will be done by June 11th.

Since I am trying to get everything done before my insurance rolls over at the end of June, I called the doctor's office to see if I could schedule the next step since I knew when my appointments would be done.  The lady said that it is against their policy to schedule the appointment until they have received all of the clearances.  Then she said it would be impossible to get my surgery before the end of June.  I was a bit upset with her because I have been telling everyone there from day 1 that I needed to get it all done by then, and no one told me that this would be an impossible task.  I have taken days off of work to get my clearances done (days without pay for that matter), and I would have opted to just wait until summer when I had lots of free time to do everything.  My bubble was completely popped.  I automatically went into shut down mode, and decided that I could not get it done because we could not afford it.

Now that I have had some time to think about it, I know that this has happened for a reason.  God has it all figured out, and it will be done in His timing, not mine.  I will keep the rest of my appointments (even though I will have to take more time off work).  We will find a way for this to happen unless God completely closes the door.  I would be disappointed, but I would move on.

So, for now I still don't know when my surgery will take place, but I am still moving in the right direction.

Day 27

Well, it's day 27 of my journey, and it doesn't seem like I have accomplished much.  I am in the process of gathering test results and making appointments.  I am still excited and looking forward to the changes that will be coming.  I have reduced my ibuprofen intake by 2/3.  I had stopped it all together, but I was in too much pain with my jaw.  Yesterday and today I have taken 3 in the morning and been able to get through the day pretty well.  I will probably keep doing that until I have to stop leading up to the surgery.  I have gotten some topical anti-inflamatories and pain medicines which have been helping a bit.  I will continue on the search for what works best.  I am even thinking about acupuncture.

I have spoken to my pharmacist, and all of my medicines will be fine to crush or switch to liquid except one.  I will be going to my doctor to see about getting off of that one.  It is for my headaches, and I have been wanting to get off of it anyway.  Less medicine.  YAY!

I am so looking forward to being more comfortable.  Not feeling like a turtle on it's back.  Being able to move my seat in the car forward as far as I want to without my belly being in the way...

The only thing that I would love to do (but can't because it is against the rules at school) is get an eyebrow ring.  Just thought I would throw that in.  If I ever quite teaching, watch out!  I will be sporting one!

Day 20

Today I went to what I thought was my psych appointment.  It turned out being an appointment with the PA.  It seems to have been a meaningless hoop to jump through in this process.  I had been told that when I went to the appointment all of the other appointments would be scheduled at that time.  I left without even one scheduled.  They said they would mail me another packet within 2 weeks with all of the information in it.  I very much stressed that I really wanted everything to be scheduled quickly so I could get the surgery before the end of June.  I really dislike waiting.  I did, however, leave with the instructions to contact some of my doctors to get clearances so I will not have to re-do tests.  I suppose that IS better than nothing.

Yesterday I stepped down to using only 1 ibuprofen 3 times a day.  My jaw pain is not unbearable, but it is pretty strong.  I am hoping that in the next week or so the pain will lessen.  I also backed down to 2 lyrica instead of 3 (I take that for my headaches).  I am really really really trying to become as medication free as possible.  Before the surgery.

I am in a pretty big funk this evening.  I consider it a victory that I have not turned to food.  In fact, I hadn't even thought about food until just now.  What a big improvement!

Day 15

This week has been especially trying.  I haven't had a chance to exercise yet, but with the exception of Monday I have been handling my stress better.  That has been a big success for me.  I even got through my "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day" on Tuesday without turning to food.  YAY me!

I have a new favorite snack:  Vanilla Greek Yogurt.  I LOVE it!  I really don't like regular yogurt, but the greek yogurt is so different.  AND it has something like 12 grams of protein in it, so it is an excellent snack choice for me.  Yum!

I have been really working on how my stress effects my jaw.  I've been trying not to let my stress make me tense up.  I have been taking a new med for anxiety, and this has helped on the particularly rough days.  It is a step in the right direction, and I am really thinking that I can reduce my ibuprofen intake again next week.  That will make it down to 100mg 3 times a day.  If I can handle that for a couple of weeks, then I will eliminate it all together.  I am so looking forward to that!

Tuesday will be the day that I go for the psych appointment.  While I am there all of the other appointments will be scheduled.  I am so excited about this journey!

Day 12

Today has been very frustrating.  I didn't sleep good last night, then I slept through my alarms (40 minutes worth).  When I did get up, the left side of my body was hurting.  After my shower I even had to lay down for a little while longer because my hip was out.  I have been super hot all day, and while my hip feels better, my shoulder is killing me AND my hand is swollen.  BAH!  I have been super slow all day, and in a semi bad mood.  The only answer I have is that I probably over did it over the weekend.  I haven't taken any extra ibuprofen, but I have been soooo tempted!  I DID crack and eat doritos AND ice cream.

I am really hoping that tomorrow is a better day and I can get back on track.

Day 11

It's day 11, and it's Sunday.  This has been a great and active weekend.  We went to Line and Dine on church on friday evening, and we learned 4 line dances.  I LOVE line dancing but hubby doesn't, so we have only done it a couple of times. The rest of the weekend has been jam packed and I have been really active.  Late this afternoon I was pooped, so I took a nap!

I am finding it hard to change my lifestyle to be more active.  I love the way it makes me feel, but it is hard to have a house full of people to try to motivate into moving.  The more I ponder the way I live, the more I realize that I have made so many mistakes.  I let myself give up on far too much.  Now that I am working toward a better me, it is all that much harder because of my prior weaknesses.  I am determined to make these changes, even though it has taken far too long to make them.

I have some small victories to announce!  I have eliminated 600 mg of ibuprofen a day!  I have only had to take one pain pill, so I think that I am dong OK.  I am going to wait another week, and then I will drop another 600 mg and see how things progress.  I have also only had 1 soda since day 1.  YAY me!  I have started drink a small cup of coffee each day, and it doesn't seem to be causing problems with my jaw.  Bonus!  AND the aloe vera juice is helping with my acid reflux, so I don't need to take medicine for that now.  I am still waiting for the benefits for my joints, but even if that doesn't happen it still has eliminated another med.

Goals for next week:  Aqua aerobics on Monday and Wednesday.  I know I still need to build up from there, but it will be a good start!

Something that I look forward to after I loose weight:  moving faster.  I feel so slow lately!

Day 7...

Well, here we are on day 7.  I have exhausted all resources of having surgery to correct my jaw.  The closest surgeon who could do what I need is in Florida.  My pain management doctor gave me some pain meds to help with coming off of the ibuprofen.  I also did some research about natural anti-inflamtories, so I bought some aloe vera juice at CVS today.  It is supposed help with digestion AND build up cushioning around joints.  Supposedly with just a few tablespoons a day, I should see an improvement within a week.  I will have to let you know how it works!

I am having a struggle in my mind about exercising.  I know I need to, and I have several ways that I can go about doing it... but the problem is the desire.  Between allergies, pain, and just plain laziness, I would much rather just lay down and watch TV.  Motivation is what I need!  I'll be praying for more of it =o)

Things I am looking forward to...  energy.  Lots and lots of energy.  My friend who had a bypass done a couple of months ago looks terrific, and she said she feels pretty for the first time.  I won't say that I have never felt pretty, but I am really looking forward to feeling better about how I look.  She also said that she feels great!  I am soooo looking forward to that!